My Comfortable Chair

Records, labs, exams,,,,.. These are the factors that has kept me off my blog since a month. Not only was I uploading any new posts, I was cut off from the rest of the global village. Felt like a retard these days. Just updated all the latest buzz in the world. Inflation in India, Presidential elections in America, the IPL matches, movies, entertainment and all the gossip.

My placement training has started in college with aptitude tests. I'm performing quite well. Gosh, the verbal, every word looks familiar !! Preparing my resume was a herculean task. Tried to present it as impressive as possible. Gues, it is. The first major company coming for recruitment is TCS. The seniors have scared the s*** out of us. I'm trying to maintain my cool. Prepare for the apti sincerely, know what you are talking, maintain eye contact while speaking, practice on your inter-personal skills, dress neatly, prepare an impressive resume, read all the basics of all the subjects learnt so far, blah blah blah !

All the way back home, there was a war between the two phrases: 'Nandhini, you are in deep trouble missy !' and the other 'C'mon, work your a** off, let's see what happens. We'll face it'. Finally, it was check mate for the former. Nobody can encourage you unless you've got the spark within yourself. Confidence is what I need and I'm sure I got enough. If not this, it's the next. I would fight like Jack Sparrow by maintaining my cool and facing the endless voices pouncing upon each other. Yes, i would !!!

I've been updating upon the various IPL matches. They've been very interesting. I'm the ultimate supporter of 'Chennai Super Kings'. A brilliant team with Dhoni, Hayden, Muralidharan, and Hussey. I was waiting for Balaji to come into action. He did, brilliant overs .. and he's smart looking. King Khan's 'Kolkatta Knight Riders' and 'Delhi Daredevils' are in form too. My recently married friend Manasa is going for the KKR vs Mumbai Indians match in Mumbai. Lucky her.

Mr. Chidambaram is trying his best to keep the inflation rates in check, but they've been soaring and is in a all time high of 7.61%. He has made a public announcement that the government is holding talks with the cement manufacturing industries to roll up their prices. Hope it works. The middle class have been greatly hit. I would wonder how would a 10 buck rise going to affect the people. But with knowledge from text book economics, I gathered knowledge about the outcomes of rising inflation. So, people who are earning and going to earn, this is one thing I want to mention(actually phrased by somebody, but so true) "Start investing the day you start earning". Stocks and shares, Mutual funds, insurances, property, gold,,, or whatever that would give you good returns as time goes.

I really feel nice mentioning about all this in my blog. There maybe several places where people can learn anout inflation and investments, but I've just made my smallest contribution and nothing feels as good as gaining knowledge.

So, here I'm just slouching in my chair, doing what exactly I want to do on a rainy day, with a chill breeze brushing against my face, listening to A.R.Rahman's sufi song composition transferring me to a state of trance. Ah, it's just bliss !!

twenTEEN'th Birthday

I can figure out myself and letting the world know how irregular I'm at this. My birthday was on 17th of March and I'm almost two weeks late about posting about it on my blog. The last two posts have been very frustrating mentioning my sad life. But things have been going on prrrretty well after that. One thing is that, my mom's not pecking on me lately and it sure feels like heaven. Not that my mom's a bug(hell no!!), but life's been smooth !

I have this unusual thing on each of my birthdays. I cry ! This time it was my brother from whom I was expecting a call all night and I got it in the morning. I cried when I was speaking with him over the phone. I really missed him a lot that moment.


Anyway, away with the sad stuff. Also, I have this unusual habit of noting down the names of people who wished me on my birthday categorically-calls and messages ! Weird na? It's just been an habit and feels nice at the end of the day just by looking at the list reminding me about the number of people who still haven't forgotten me ! 'm sure everybody(especially girls) feel elated when we get a call on our birthday. Girly stuff I guess. It's just the fact that females care about realtionships with others very seriously.



The day was just usual. Went for dinner with parents and two of my cousins. Well, I was kind of thinking that none of my friends from school had called me. KK had called me at 22:30 and Ashwin had sent a msg in the evening. Shivangi(Shivu), Jayni( J Shah), Aishwarya(Aishu), Shiva,, , , none had called. I was feeling bad that theyhad forgotten my b'day.


Vijay(Vj) and Shivu called me two days later. Shivu felt really bad, but she's a sweetheart. she would never lie. I just love her attitude. Others haven't wished me till date. On Sunday, which was 30th of March around 19:00 , Shivu was asking me what I was upto. She asked me whether I was home. I said 'yes' and there wasn't a reply. I must say that I was kind of doubting that they were going to surprise me. So, I cleaned my room and stuff.


I hear the doors of the car close. I shout out 'Shivu?', 'Vj?' . They don't reply. I run downstairs and they have a cake lighted by a single candle kept on the boot of the car. KK and Vj hurry me up and they sing to me on the road. I was surprised. This was the first surprise birthday I've ever got. I felt really nice. Shivu had brought Kiki and Gio(Shivu's adorable poms). Kiki's a black and white pom and Gio is the 4-month old son. Oh god, Gio is just adorable. I would love to have him. I'm sure Shivu would give him to me if I ask which would be totally stopped by the dog and cat hater-Meri Ma.


The thing with my Ma is that, she literally doesn't hate dogs but she thinks it's a real pain to have them being taken care of. She wouldn't trust me one bit because she always says 'You would take care of it for 2 days, the third day I'll be the one running behind it'.


Except that I'm twenteen, I'm really happy.

When can I be myself ?

I've been having quite a depressing week since She left. One other reason was that my parents aren't really happy with my bahaviour. I do accept that I get angry but that doesn't mean that I'm always like that. It's been really hitting me hard and it's getting me depressed.

I've been hearing quite a few things that i really didn't want to anytime in my life. My mom had mentioned one time that she wished she had only a son. She thinks that I don't respect her at all but how the fuck do I explain it to her that I love her more than anything else in this world and I would love her till my last breath no matter of what she tells me. Sometimes, I wish that I wasn't her daughter, maybe she deserved a better daughter. She has a wonderful son and a question that haunts me more "Am I her's?" I never really want a reply for that.

My parents are a God's gift for me. I cannot ask for more but there are certain things that's really bothering me. They think I was the cause for everything and it really hurts me when my mom mentions it everytime we have a row with each other. She expects me not to cry. Am I suppposed to be an emotionless bitch?

They have an eye on every little expression I show. I was watching some thrilling scene on tv and my mom walks in and tells me to change my facial expression. She thinks I was straining my face. Am I supposed to have a smile when i watch a horror scene? It really annoyed me and there created a big scene. I was talking very politely explaining to her that I was watching a thriller scene keenly and I had my face narrowed. She wouldn't understand at all. She started raising her voice when my dad walked in making it a crime scene. They think I'm always stern faced when it comes to them and that I act different to my friends. How would I explain to them ? My mom always raises her voice and exaggerates the scene to my dad. I really hate it. She makes it look I grabbed her throat.

How the hell do I make them understand? I may not show to them on their face that I love them, but they got to understand. I'm trying my best to please them and make them happy. I've given up on so many things for them for they think it's not appropriate for they care what the society thinks. They didn't want me to dance or play cricket. I gave up. They tell me that isn't the age to do all that. I want to release my energy by sweating out on the treadmill while my dad wants me to do yoga because it's more feminine.

They treat me like I have a born nervous disorder. They think I'm weak. I bet I'm more fit than many girls my age. I have the stamina. When they keep telling me that my skin will get affected or my body won't suit, I'm losing my confidence in myself. To hell with the God who created me.

I've decided to just stay in my room, cling onto my books, pc and music rather than trying to please them and getting yelled at. They think my friends are responsible for me acting like this. They want me to cut their relationship. Where will I go ? I have only a few friends and they want me to cut on them too.

What do they expect, lead a solitary life? To smile when I watch a horror movie? To spend the rest of my life pleasing everybody around me? To care what people think? When will I can be myself?

I have no second thought that all they are trying to do is make a better person out of me but it really haunts me the way they do it. They want to point out every mistake I do so that I won't repeat it. All I'm asking for is some time and space for me to change and evolve on my own. Will i get it? Do I deserve it?

I really wished Shriram was there. Sometimes, I want to call and cry to him because he's one person who can understand me and tell me things but hell no ! I'm scared. What if he also tells me the same thing? I swear I won't live for another day.

I got agitated when my mom told me that i need a psychiatrist but thinking for myself, i think i do need one. I really can't stand it. I'm scared, very scared. I don't want a psychiatrist. I want to be normal and accepted for who I'm.

I want to be me ! Just me and nobody else.
I'm not that bad as you think I'm Ma. I love you. I don't know how else i can put it.
Please try to understand me.
I want to wake up tomorrow and cry away that all this is just a dream.
I love you both. Pls understand. I don't want to hear once more that you wish i wasn't there, I swear I won't be there after that. If that is how you'll understand my love for you, I'll do it.

SHE's gone......for ever !

Gone are the days when I captured the shots of speakable expressions, gone are the days when I played music for my friends who wanted to hear a song just another time before the class started, gone are the days when I would look at someone smiling at me just reassuring me that everything is going to be alright and I will fix it. Yes, She's gone ! My beautiful N73 mobile.

While tears roll down my cheeks, I would narrate the story of her kidnap. She lay close to my heart for Shriram had bought it for me as a birthday present........5 months after my birthday. It was a beautiful day and I had awaited that evening. I named her She. She was of very sentimental value to me and i felt like Shriram was just lying in my hands and I can hold onto him forever until that hope was shattered like a crystal vase on the 28th of this month. After my practice at the college grounds for the cricket match for which my parents were really against, I had found that She was STOLEN by some ^%&*#@!*. I hated my college for allowing people to do stuff like that, not that they could do anything much, while I had lost Her.

I was yelled(because my friends could hear) by my mother on the phone. I have tried every way possible to get Her back, but realised that unless that %&*#&(#@ does not change his mind, there's no way She's coming back to me. I've lost Her for ever. I feel totally responsible for it. This is my last try thinking that the $%^&$& who stole Her would by some how mysteriously come across my blog and read it.

This is to the $#%!$#&^* who stole Her:
SHE WILL NOT STAY WITH YOU. SHE'S EITHER MINE OR NOBODY'S !! THOU SHALL PUNISH FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

While I did try out one other possible way of putting in the Almighty's hands for i had a dealing with Him that I would climb the 3000 fleet of steps to see him within a year if He helps in getting my mobile back. My dad was more angry than me for he told me to go to the Kali temple and curse the *(@#$~@# who stole Her. Somehow(surprisingly), I couldn't do that and I prayed that nobody should fall into my situation. I was ashamed to tell people that She was stolen. She was my responsibilty and I was to take care of Her. I still haven't given up.

Now, all I can wish for is HOPE !!!
I want to climb the 3000 steps.

Where Do I Go When The Results Are Out ??

I know it's been a real long time since i wrote something here. I've been waiting and waiting and ........., and i'm still continuing to wait for my brother to update the goddam pictures. It's almost a month since i arrived India and my brother is lazing around. Alot of things have happened durin this month's interval.

Well, to begin with my exam results were out on a day i was out with my friends(yet again). I'm never home when my results come. Once I was out at lunch happily expanding my pizza slice to a height until the cheese's elasticity couldn't withstand anymore, next was when i was at my aunt's place checkin out on my orkut account since my pc was attacked by some dumbass virus that wouldn't let me even type 'orkut' in the address bar when it closes the window and yells out a window with a sound file 'muhaha'. Annoying little thing.

Another time was when I was at the gym sweating away to glory on the rowing machine. Somehow, I like the feeling when the salty drop runs down my cheek and falls down. It gives me a sense of achievement. When my 4th semester results were out, I was standing in the theatre waiting for my friends to watch Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix. My friends still imitate my reaction when i heard that i cleared all the subjects.

This time, my CAT classes were cancelled because of Republic Day. Myself and Vj(Vijay) didn't feel like heading home, so we buzzed all our friends and met up for coffee. I was feaking out when i received a text message saying that the results were out. KK(Adithya KrishnaKumar), Vj and Shiva looked so relaxed. I was jumping around making a number of calls, just wanting to hear my results. But somehow, i was relaxed than during the other times. I knew i had done well but still it's bloody 'ANNA UNIVERSITY' results we are talking about here.

Finally Ashwin delivers the GOLDEN WORDS to me,......., 'ALL CLEAR'. Bliss......

I will put up some new posts very soon...